The Simple Plot of 999
by curiousvillage
Summary: this is exactly what happens in the game 999. this might as well be a rip of the script


[JUNPEI enters his APARTMENT]

JUNPEI: open the door

get on the floor

ZERO: everybody walk the dinosaur

[ZERO knocks out JUNPEI with SLEEPING GAS]

JUNPEI: i hate godmodders

ZERO: shut up and solve this puzzle

[JUNPEI shuts up and solves that puzzle]

JUNPEI: okay cool

so whats the reason that im on a boat ft T PAIN

JUNE: oh what the flip is up JUMPY

JUNPEI: oh hey its my elementary school crush

ive always wanted to go with her on a MURDER HELL-BOAT trip

JUNE: did someone say PLOT DEVELOPMENT

ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS: yeah

JUNPEI: who the flip are any of you

SNAKE: im SNAKE and i know literally everything

CLOVER: im CLOVER and i hope you know how to get the good endings

SEVEN: i have not a fucking clue about anything my dude

LOTUS: hi im LOTUS and im hot

JUNPEI: wow is this a visual novel or fucking what

if you're reading this you know these fucking characters

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: yeah you know these characters

and so does JUNPEI now

ACE: whats dabalicious my fellow teens

EVERYONE: this man is not suspicious in the least bit

9TH MAN: you know i had to do it to em

CLOVER: wh

[9TH MAN makes CLOVER and LOTUS or WHOEVER maybe ACE scan the RED with their NUMBERED BRACELETS]

9TH MAN: i realized i just dropped a bunch of special terms on you without explain it at all so im just gonna die now

[9TH MAN is unable to activate the DEAD so he DIES]

ZERO: hey guys

uh i have a big monologue and SNAKE explains this shit too

but honestly YOU must know how this works already so im not

JUNPEI: ah fuck are we on the TITANIC

SEVEN: hah tit

SANTA: fuck of

ACE: haha brotendos no worries

im not suspicious

lets go into the numbered doors

JUNPEI: yeah which one of the doors should i go through

these ones are 4 and 5 right

JUNE: yeah sure

JUNPEI: okay im doing DOOR 5

EVERYONE: thats sounds good

[JUNE begins to CLIP THOUGH THE LEVEL]

JUNPEI: whoa sick speedrun strats

JUNE: IM FLIPPING DYING

JUNPEI: okay lemme just go through DOOR 5 real quick

SANTA: if you see an AXE or a SUB stay away from them

JUNPEI: whatever

[JUNPEI opens the 5 DOOR with SEVEN and SNAKE]

[also they activate the DEAD]

JUNPEI: here we are in the 1ST CLASS CABIN

i wish there was more LIGHT in here

SNAKE: test me you little clown

SEVEN: anyways puzzles

JUNPEI: theres a SAFE

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: its too early for an END so JUNPEI is just gonna leave this room

JUNPEI: im just gonna leave this room

[THEY leave]

SEVEN: hey its a CASINO

JUNPEI: dojo...casino...its all in the mind

SNAKE: looks like we already finished the CASINO

and now were here in the LARGE HOSPITAL ROOM

JUNPEI: what a perfect time to split up

ZERO: i agree

SEVEN: did you guys hear that

SNAKE AND JUNPEI: no

[THEY split up]

JUNPEI: okay time to not split up anymore

back to the HOSPITAL i go

ACE: oh whats swaggie JUNPEI my dude

JUNPEI: hey ACE my good non suspicious pal

wheres SNAKE

CLOVER: i dont know

but im ready to throw down

[THE GANG splits up to find SNAKE]

JUNE: SNAKE where are you

SNAKE:

JUNE: he didnt answer

JUNPEI: wow good point

[NO ONE find SNAKE]

SANTA: i honestly don't care

also our DIGITAL ROOTS dont add up so someone is going to stay behind

JUNE: that cant be

EVERYONE ELSE, LESS ENTHUSED: oh no...we cant...ah

ACE: its all good my fellas i have SOPORIL B(ONE HURTING JUICE) that im gonna drink

[ACE drinks BONE HURTING JUICE]

ACE: ah off ow me bones lads

[ACE passes out]

SANTA: finally

okay which doors we doing

JUNPEI: does it matter at this point

CLOVER: i will kill you if you say some stupid shit like that ever again

JUNPEI: okay DOOR 8

[JUNPEI LOTUS and CLOVER enter DOOR 8; SEVEN SANTA AND JUNE ENTER DOOR 7]

CLOVER: i dont wanna play this level

[CLOVER gets locked in the GAY BABY JAIL part of the LABORATORY]

LOTUS: ever notice how you cant spell LABORATORY without RAT

JUNPEI: why are you looking at me

CLOVER: sick burn but can you please get me out

JUNPEI: hold up im trying to get this computer to run ROBLOX

LOTUS: leave this to me

[LOTUS enter HACKING position]

LOTUS, TYPING: uifgduofhsofhsipadsighafsuhgipsgou983hgweghoushvnshw83QWHR[DJSDFGISkjfm;llkwioHVFOUAHFOHJOkhouhfkjmiprfhiWJUUJPIFGHPIFPGHLAJSFBGHLJDFHG

JUNPEI: whoa were'd you learned to do all this

LOTUS: CODE LYOKO

JUNPEI: oh okay

LOTUS: hey what if your mind was a like a computer monitor that got all its information for a separate processor not inside your own mind

JUNPEI: hey what if you made any sense at all

LOTUS: and things like AMNESIA and PROSOPAGNOSIA were results of your shitty brain wifi's connection to the actual consciousness

JUNPEI: what the fuck is PROSOPANGEA

LOTUS: everyone looks ugly

JUNPEI: oh okay

CLOVER: im free now too

JUNEPI: oh okay

CLOVER: hey by the way SNAKE lost his sight and his left arm in an accident as a kid

JUNPEI: hey thats fucked i didnt need to know

CLOVER: thanks

JUNPEI: hey by the way is that a MANNEQUIN

CLOVER: yeah

JUNPEI: his name is SCIENCE BOY NOW

[CLOVER kills SCIENCE BOY]

SCIENCE BOY: JUNPEI...live...for me...

JUNPEI: this is going to be on WATCHMOJO isnt it

[oh yeah THEY FOUND the WAY OUT]

SANTA: here we are back in the LARGE HOSPITAL ROOM

oh by the way were here too now

ACE: thanks for telling me the dealio my damn daniels

JUNPEI: no problem my clearly not suspicious friend

CLOVER: shut the fuck up and open DOOR 3

[THEY shut the fuck up and open DOOR 3]

LOTUS: okay me and SANTA are going to go into the EARTH DOOR

JUNPEI: okay me and JUNE will use the SATURN KEYCARD on the ELEVATOR

JUNE: wait, an ELEVATOR uh hhold on there

JUNPEI: [JUNE was probably afraid of...

getting FUCKING BUCK WILD with a BOY in an ELEVATOR

the ELEVATOR going down]

JUNE: what if i got WET

JUNPEI: what happens in an ELEVATOR...

JUNE: what if you got WET

JUNPEI: i hope i do you think i get WET any other time

JUNE: wowzers JUMPY i wish i was cool like you

JUNPEI: lord forgive me but i gotta do what i yabadaba do...

JUNE: what if i dont make it long and i go to HEAVEN

JUNPEI: what

JUNE: and what if some gets inside you

JUNPEI: What

JUNE: everyone ends up swallowing some at some point

JUNPEI: WHAT

JUNE: yeah i mean you can only hold your breath for so long before the water drowns you

JUNPEI:

JUNE:

JUNPEI:

JUNE:

JUNPEI: YOU MEAN WE WERENT JUST GOING TO HAVE VIRTUAL NOVEL SEX IN THIS ELEVATOR

JUNE: i dont know what any of those words mean

JUNPEI: anyways we wont drown

no water came out of the elevtor when it came up from E DECK

JUNE: okay lets go to E DECK

[THEY go to E DECK]

JUNPEI: hey its DOOR 6

JUNE: cool

[THEY go BACK to C DECK]

SANTA: hey IDIOTS

we found DOOR 1

SEVEN: and now were here

ACE: and bad news BROTENDO DS

SNAKE is dead

and i dont know anything about it at all

JUNPEI: of course not

why would you, ACE, know anything about that

ACE: anyways go check it out

JUNPEI: okay

ew SNAKE'S ARM is all open and shit

gross

SANTA: okay DOOR time

JUNPEI: im going to cheat to go through the door i want to

EVERYONE: okay

JUNPEI: DOOR 6

[ACE SANTA JUNE and JUNPEI go thorugh DOOR 6 and CLOVER SEVEN and LOTUS go through DOOR 1]

JUNPEI: here we are in the STEAM ENGINE

[JUNE suddenly becomes QPU MISALIGNED and must waste an A PRESS]

JUNPEI: NO JUNE

THE SCUTTLEBUGS WERENT HIGH ENOUGH

JUNE: junpei im dying

please

SANTA: hey you guys remember DONKEY KONG

ACE: haha yeah i love vrideo glames

JUNE: im literally dying

SANTA: yeah but if clover was here i could look at her ass

JUNPEI: i dont know what any of those words mean

ACE: pretty messed up we have to solve all the puzzles huh

JUNPEI: its like we're lab rats

SANTA: you know JUNPEI, speaking of rats

JUNPEI: why does everyone keep calling me a rat

SANTA: shut the fuck up

anyways you ever hear of the rats that could solve an experiment fast when another rat found the solution before them

JUNPEI: what are you talking about

SANTA: its like they knew

JUNPEI: what

SANTA: FROM EMERGENCY EMERGES INSPIRATION

JUNE: wow thats so cool SANTA

did you know im still dying over here

SANTA: funny you mention dying

because i had a sister

who died

hey by the way did you know that there were two SANTAS on the MOON and one killed the other with a rock

is that fucked up or what

JUNPEI: yeah i guess but isnt this conversation only for the KNIVE END

this is the SAFE END

SANTA: oh yeah

anyways i was my sister's SANTA

but one year she said she just wanted to be happy with her SANTA

and she died NINE years ago

JUNE:

JUNPEI:

JUNE:

JUNPEI:

SANTA: okay CARGO ROOM time

JUNPEI: hey look at these CARD KEYS

ACE: i refuse

i wont

you cant make me

SANTA: thats fine

you arent suspicious

[JUNE slips and falls on a banana peel]

JUNPEI: okay hold on

ACE solve the face puzzle for me real quick

ACE: uh

JUNPEI: cool

SANTA: hey JUNE i bet ACE could get you to a hospital

hes the CEO of CRADLE PHARMACEUTICALS

JUNPEI: cool

hey ACE did you finish that super easy puzzle yet

ACE: uh

about that

i uh...smoked too much before i got here and i cant see rn

brb

JUNE: what a non suspicious guy

JUNPEI: i bet he has PROSOPAGNOSIA

anyways time to use the PUSHMASTER 900 to look at this COFFIN

SANTA: what if there is a mummy inside

JUNE: oh like ALICE ?

SANTA: no we havent done that route yet

JUNPEI: no worries guys its just a fucking gun

SANTA: lets leave it here

no way any of us would take it right

ACE: i dont know what a gun is

SANTA: that sounds right

[oh yeah THEY FOUND THE WAY OUT]

ACE: hey lets see what else is on E DECK

JUNPEI: hmmm

looks like a COFFIN

oh

and two 9 DOORS

cool

SANTA: haha nice

hey JUNPEI lets leave now with ACE and leave JUNE to die

whaddya say

JUNPEI: i'd rather die

SANTA: fuck you too

[they return to C DECK]

COFFIN: cough

SEVEN: hey CLOVER is gone

LOTUS: she locked herself in the CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS and the ran off

ACE: i have a perfect idea

how about...

we all go look for her

execpt I do all the looking

and you guys just hang out and have a groovy time

JUNPEI: okay me and KANNY are gonna go flirt

actually nah were gonna go look at SNAKE'S DEAD BODY

JUNE: i dont think i want to do this

JUNPEI: but look at his BONE

the one the he shouldn;t have

WAIT FUCK

i gotta tell CLOVER

SEVEN: too late bud

shes fuckin dead

JUNPEI: ahhh darn

SEVEN: yeah shes in the 1ST CLASS CABIN

come check it out with me

JUNE: this stinks

JUNPEI: hey by the way why did you come here

and why did you open all the doors

SEVEN: because of the SAFE

JUNPEI: oh

anyways im gonna go look at THE 9TH MAN'S BODY

THE 9 BRACELET: im gone!

JUNPEI: its gone!

SEVEN: hey come look at this note CLOVER had

JUNPEI: it says

THE NOTE: hey bro you wanna go get some za from the SINISTER HAND later -mikey

JUNPEI: well i am hungry...

oh yeah and its a code

14383421

SEVEN: what

JUNPEI: lets open the SAFE

[they open the SAFE]

JUNPEI: theres a note

SEVEN: its says

FACT ONE: the NONARY GAME happened once, originally on the DS

FACT TWO: SNAKE was in it

FACT THREE: CRADLE PHARMACEUTICAL is mean

JUNPEI: i know everything now

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: oooooh its about to go down

JUNPEI: hey ACE

ACE: yes JUNPEI from ZERO ESCAPE

JUNPEI: spell im actually SANTA

ACE: Boly Fuck

JUNPEI: sorry buddy

you have PROSOPAGNOSIA

ACE: yeah and

JUNPEI: it means you killed SNAKE

ACE: exsqueeze me

JUNPEI: well its not SNAKE

just some guy who was wearing his clothes

it was LIQUID SNAKE

SANTA: how dare you kill LIQUID SNAKE

SEVEN: shut the fuck up

ACE: why would i do that

JUNPEI: because of your past

SANTA: what

JUNPEI: he didnt get any za with mikey

also he did the first NONARY GAME

ACE: i cant open DOOR 3 with just LIQUID SNAKE hough

JUNPEI: yeah but you have the 9TH MAN'S BRACELET

ACE: yes i do so what

JUNPEI:

ACE: whoops

1+2+9=12=1+2=3

JUNPEI: so you did do it

ACE: yeah duh

i was suspicious the whole time

EVERYONE: not at all

JUNPEI: so what about CLOVER

ACE: yeah that was my bad

JUNE: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh dang nabbit

JUNPEI: why

ACE: shes SNAKE'S SISTER

JUNPEI: oh okay

ACE: wow ZERO got me good huh

anyways lets get going

SANTA: what

ACE: yeah lets move on

SANTA: okay

wait fuck no

nice try

[LOTUS punches ACE]

ACE: okay

[ACE puts the GOLDEN REVOLVER to LOTUS'S HEAD]

ACE: oh i killed the 9TH MAN too

JUNPEI: but why

ACE: to see if this was a prank or not

anyways lets go open the 9 DOOR

[he leaves with LOTUS]

JUNE: welp

[JUNE collapses yet again]

SANTA: oh no

JUNPEI: JUNE NO

JUNE: shut up and save LOTUS idiot

SEVEN: yeah lets go

[SEVEN AND JUNPEI go down to the CHAPEL]

SEVEN:we cant open the 9 DOOR

COFFIN: h

JUNPEI: oh what the heck

lets open it

SEVEN: theres a pinreader

use the SAFE code

JUNPEI: ew no

SEVEN: the only necessity for success is the willingness to suffer 1000 faiures

JUNPEI: i bet an idiot said that

[JUNPEI enters 14383421 into the COFFIN]

SNAKE: 5 more minutes mom

JUNPEI AND SEVEN: o Fuck

JUNEPI: i thought you were dead

SNAKE: old sports die hard

JUNPEI: west ACE is about to be scrambled

SEVEN: hey SNAKE whats up with you and the first NONARY GAME

SNAKE: i dont know a thing my good friend

SEVEN: oh

well i have the ZERO BRACELET

JUNPEI and SNAKE: what the fuck

SEVEN: yeah

the totally alive CLOVER gave it to me

SNAKE: sure

SEVEN: anywas by JUNPEI

me and SNAKE are going through the 9 DOOR with this

[the RED doesnt authenticate]

SNAKE: its not a ZERO BRACELET

its SIX

JUNPEI: but thats JUNE's number

SNAKE: be quiet

[SNAKE takes his arm off and THEY go through the 9 DOOR]

JUNPEI: its an INCINERATOR

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: i dont want to be here

JUNPEI: why is there another 9 DOOR

ACE: oh hey dudes

INCINERATOR: ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN

SNAKE: uh oh!

ACE: who are you

SNAKE: its me SNAKE

ACE: oh hey

did you use CLOVER'S BRACELET to get here

SNAKE: wait what

how would we use the totally alive CLOVER'S BRACELET

ACE: whoops

did you think she was alive

shes not

i killed her

SNAKE: HOL UP

ACE: yeah

killed her pretty good

shes dead

SNAKE: Die.

[ACE shoots SNAKE]

ACE: okay now all of you die

SNAKE: im strong against GUN

ACE: what the fuck

SNAKE: im going to kill you

[ACE shots SNAKE 5 more times]

ACE: okay now that th-

[SNAKE grabs ACE's leg from his place on the ground]

ACE: ahhh you are like a snake, SNAKE

SNAKE: if im going to die im taking you with me

ACE: oh okay

wait what no

SEVEN AND LOTUS: yeah actually dont do a death

SNAKE: leave (get out)

JUNPEI: fuck no

SEVEN: fuck yes actually

[SEVEN pulls JUNPEI out of the INCINERATOR. ACE and SNAKE die]

JUNPEI: im fucking out

im going to find KANNY

[JUNPEI finds KANNY dying in the ALTAR]

KANNY: JUMPY i think im dying

JUMPY: enough with this shit please man i cant take this

KANNY: you were really important to me when we were kids

JUMPY:

what about now though

ZERO: game over

JUNPEI: what the fuck does that mean

who are you

where are you

ZERO: im right here JUNPEI

anyways the game is over

JUNPEI: NU UH

ZERO: yuh huh. you picked the wrong DOORS idiot

JUNPEI: i refuse to lose

ZERO: actually i lost

JUNPEI: hold up KANNY ill be right back

[KANNY disappears]

JUNPEI: KANNY NO

[SAFE END]

[RECORD SCRATCH]

[FREEZE FRAME]

JUNPEI: yup, thats me

youre probably wondering how i ended up in this situation

well, i technically did and didnt

heres what REALLY happened

[JUMP BACK TO THE 4 AND 5 DOORS]

ACE: haha no worries brotendoes

im not suspicious

lets go into the numbered doors

JUNPEI: yeah which one of the doors should i go through

these ones are 4 and 5 right

AKANE: yeah sure

JUNPEI: okay im doing DOOR 4

EVERYONE: thats sounds good

[AKANE remembers to turn NOCLIP off]

AKANE: i feel great right now

[SANTA AKANE JUNPEI AND LOTUS go through the RED and end up in the 2ND CLASS CABIN]

JUNPEI: its good your not sick

AKANE: were you worried

JUNPEI: what

AKANE: ive dated 18 men

JUNPEI: What

AKANE: multiply that by 0

ZERO: did someone call for me?

JUNPEI and AKANE: nope

JUNPEI: hey look at this blankey

AKANE: how many times are you going to look at it

JUNPEI: i got this covered though

hey wanna sleep together

AKANE: no

but we can shower together

SANTA, FROM ACROSS THE HALL: shut the fuck up JUNPEI

AKANE: lets talk about the TITANIC

JUNPEI: i think it sunk because the earth is flat

AKANE: i think it sank become of a mummy curse

JUNPEI: What

AKANE: yeah

AMON-RA

she had voodoo magic

JUNPEI: No.

AKANE: yeah she did

i heard she was hot too

JUNPEI: here we go

AKANE: yeah like she was frozen

and no matter what she never melted

JUNPEI: hmm...ICE...

im going to go see how LOTUS and SANTA are doing

SANTA: wait what the fuck is a shower

LOTUS: im going to steal this sofa

JUNPEI: who are you people

LOTUS: i will kick you ass

JUNPEI: fine by me this mirror refuses to talk to me

SANTA: we are all fucked

LOTUS: hey JUNPEI do you want this CANDLESTICK

JUNPEI: yeah brb

[JUNPEI goes back to the OTHER ROOM]

JUNPEI: hey want me to light your heart on fire

JUNE:

JUNPEI:

JUNE:

[JUNPEI leaves]

SANTA: BIG NEWS JUNPEI

WE GOT CUPBOARDS IN HERE

LOTUS: AND WE GOT A PILE O PILLOWS

JUNPEI: remember when we were moving the plot along

SANTA and LOTUS: no

SANTA: anways JUNPEI take this BOOKMARK of a clover

JUNPEI: why

SANTA: did you know? the clovers mean

i HOPE you shut the fuck up

i have FAITH you will fuckin die

i would LOVE for you to be out of my life

LUCK would have it you suck

JUNPEI: that doesnt sound right

SANTA: just take it

JUNPEI: okay

oh by the way look at this cool painting

LOTUS: cool

hey you know SHELDRAKE

JUNPEI: no

LOTUS: MORPHOGENETIC FEILD THEORY

SANTA: Nope!

JUNPEI: anyways the painting looks like a FUNYARINPA

LOTUS: what the fuck is that

JUNPEI: you fool

YOU AWAKENED ITS WRATH

FUNYARINPA: **YOU WHO HAS COMMITTED THE MOST VILE OF SINS AGAINST ME SHALL PREPARE TO FACE SUPREME JUDGEMENT**

JUNPEI: OH DEAR GOD NO

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: its too bad i cant this here so this joke could pay off but hey, sometimes life is simply unfair

LOTUS: anyways maybe there is information available to all people in a field invisible to the human eye

JUNPEI:

SANTA:

JUNPEI:

SANTA:

LOTUS: jk lmaonade

SANTA: i fucking love pseudoscience

JUNPEI: thats wild also i really need to move the plot along so lets finish up

[THEY found the WAY OUT]

JUNPEI: okay now were in the KITCHEN

SANTA: yes i do the cooking

JUNPEI: yes i do the cleaning

[JUNPEI and SANTA hi-five]

LOTUS: hey JUNPEI

im gonna start calling you JUNEKISSER9000

JUNPEI: im locking myself in the FREEZER

[SANTA AKANE AND JUNPEI get locked in the FREEZER. LOTUS remains in the KITCHEN]

SANTA: its ice to see you guys here with me

and id love to melt the tension between us

but im about to freeze my fuck off

JUNPEI: how do you freeze a fuck off

AKANE: hey mabye we should get out of here

JUNPEI and SANTA: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

LOTUS: would you two shut the fuck up in there and get out

JUNPEI: ugh fine

AKANE: did youf know carbon dioxcide sublwimes at -109 degrfees

JUNPEI: is your mouf numb

SANTA: im not having this third wheel shit

i need to know why it doesnt turn into a liquid

AKANE: because ICE 9

JUNPEI: isnt that made up

AKANE: no

JUNPEI: oh

AKANE: also that one time all the GLYCERIN in the world talk to each other and all crystallized

SANTA: what if water freezed at 96 degrees

JUNPEI: idk dude you think i fucking know what water is

anyways we're back in the KITCHEN

AKANE: oh JUNPEI

you are so FUTILE

JUNPEI: wh

AKANE: AUTOMATIC WRITING

JUNPEI: ghost writing...

AKANE: there was a dude who saw himself die and wrote about it 20 years before it happened

JUNPEI: hah! like some sort of CONCIOUSNESS SHIFT?

like that would ever happen!

hahahaha

[JUNPEI solves the FUCKING AWFUL HEXADECIMAL PUZZLE and THEY found THE WAY OUT]

AKANE: hey its a LARGE HOSPITAL ROOM

SEVEN: hey we are probably on the GIGANTIC

also i have AMNESIA

JUNPEI: okay whatever

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: you already saw all of this in my last hit album, the SAFE ENDING

so lets just skip to the part where we pick the doors

[ACE does his damn SOPORIL thing and they pick DOORS]

JUNPEI: DOOR 7

SANTA: okay have fun never seeing JUNE

JUNPEI: wait wh

[SEVEN and CLOVER drag JUNPEI into DOOR 7. SANTA AKANE AND LOTUS enter DOOR 8]

CLOVER: i dont want to play this level either

SEVEN: hey what the fuck

CLOVER: shut up you dont have any balls

SEVEN: what the fuck

CLOVER: i said you dont have any balls

SEVEN: face me in the ring

JUNPEI: anyways here we are in the OPERATING ROOM

CLOVER: they have medical mannequins

SEVEN: are you sure they arent sex dolls

JUNPEI:

CLOVER:

i hope you drink some dihydrogen monoxide and die

SEVEN: well maybe ill drink some of this EDT because

i just remembered the one time it became a hydrate

JUNPEI: yeah like with ICE 9

SEVEN: oh yeah

ALICE is on this boat

JUNPEI: oh like AMON RA

SEVEN: yeah the girl whos cold as ice but as hot as the sun

and she sleeps in the small FORREST OF KNOWLEDGE beneath the NAVAL OF THE GIGANTIC

JUNPEI: okay

CLOVER: hurry the fuck up you weirdos cmon

JUNEPI: Okay

CLOVER: i think SNAKE is dead

and im next

JUNPEI: oh cool

wwait what

CLOVER: someone is going to kill me

JUNPEI: here have this BOOKMARK

it has a clover on it

hope faith love and luck and shit dude

CLOVER: oh thanks dude i keep losing my pages everytime i read

JUNPEI: i got your back

CLOVER: hey so what do you think of when you hear the word EXPERIMENT

JUNPEI: i kissed a girl by KATY PERRY

CLOVER: oh so you dont know about the EXPERIMENT that happened here 9 YEARS AGO

JUNPEI: wha

CLOVER: yeah some physic field thing

JUNPEI: oh i heard about that its-

CLOVER: LOCKES SOCKS BECOME NEW SOCKS BUT ARE THEY STILL LOCKES SOCKS?

JUNPEI: uh

CLOVER: IS THIS MANNEQUIN REALLY THE MANNEQUIN

SEVEN: you two shut the fuck up and find they way out

[THEY FOUND THEY WAY OUT]

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: okay gang time to skip right to the DOORS AGAIN

JUNPEI: DOOR 1 is the DOOR for me

SANTA: are you cheating to get in there

JUNPEI: yes

SANTA: oh okay

[ACE CLOVER AND JUNPEI go through DOOR 1. THE OTHERS go through DOOR 6]

JUNPEI: here we are in the CHART ROOM

ACE: okay gang

let work togeth-

JUNPEI: go in the wheelhouse ACE

ACE: oh

ok

JUNPEI: hey its a COMPASS

ACE: and what direction will DESTINY take us

JUNPEI: towards good grades and gorgeous girls i hope

ACE: haha yes

that reminds of a time from my pa-

JUNPEI: get the fuck out so i can learn about the FIRST NONARY GAME

ACE: fine

im gonna go NOT KILL a man in the CAPTAINS QUARTERS

JUNPEI: okay cool

CLOVER: i think SEVEN and SANTA killed my brother

they couldve opened the 3 DOOR

JUNPEI: nope didnt happen

CLOVER: okay well if 4 or more people did it

then ACE SANTA SEVEN AND LOTUS killed him

JUNPEI: nope didnt happen

anyways lets enter he CAPTAINS QUARTERS

[ACE CLOVER and JUNPEI discover A DEAD MAN]

ACE: oh no! how horrible! a dead man!

who would have done such a thing!

JUNPEI: certainly not you ACE

CLOVER: and hes wearing the ZERO BRACELET too

JUNPEI: wow

CLOVER: its not ZERO though

JUNPEI: yeah no duh

the real ZERO is mocking us

they are being so CHILDISH

CLOVER: damn

JUNPEI: at least this guy didnt die in a shit way like SNAKE did

he was all fucked up

his LEFT ARM was so ugly

CLOVER: wait what the fuck

JUNPEI: oh sorry lol

CLOVER: my brother is still alive

that body is the body of LIQUID SNAKE

JUNPEI: oh fuck

nice

CLOVER: oh yeah

and thanks for the BOOKMARK

and the CLOVER WORDS

Thank You Based JUNPEI

JUNPEI: well SANTA taught me those words

CLOVER: aw damn really

JUNPEI: yeah

CLOVER: then he was in the FIRST NONARY GAME

we did MORPHOGENETIC FIELD shit

JUNPEI: oh

CLOVER: you need EPIPHANY and DANGER to access it good

so they tried to kill us

actually they did kill someone

JUNPEI: ruh roh rhaggy

CLOVER: her name was A-

ACE: did someone say

"BOY it sure would be WEIRD if ACE to enter this room RIGHT NOW"

becuase here i am

JUNPEI: BE GONE THOT

ACE: no

JUNPEI i need help with PUZZLES

JUNPEI: nah im gonna look at HIEROGLYPHS and talk about ALICE (NOT FROM VLR)

ACE: oh

well have you heard of CELL ALIVE SYSTEM (FROM VLR)

JUNPEI: yeah

i was in that game too

ACE: oh okay

CLOVER: hey i took a note about a SINISTER HAND

JUNPEI: cool

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: hey gang, NARRATOR here again

due to a mixture of laziness and the fact we already know the DOOR 6 CREW find the 9 DOORS were just gonna skip right there

cool? cool.

JUNPEI: wow there are two 9 DOORS

LOTUS: and theyre both real probably

CLOVER: but we cant all go through a 9 DOOR

because the remaining DIGITAL ROOT of the group left behind would be 7

SEVEN: okay ill stay behind

LOTUS: no fucking chance bozo

ACE: ^

CLOVER: ^

JUNPEI: ^

AKANE: ^

JUNPEI: there we all agree

proposal denied

SANTA: hold the phone here

i didnt vote yet

JUNPEI: exsqueeze me

SANTA: here are my orders

JUNPEI: what

[SANTA holds AKANE hostage with the GOLDEN REVOLVER]

JUNPEI: What!

SANTA: ACE and LOTUS are coming with me

JUNPEI: i thought we were Boys

SANTA: sorry homeboy

PLOT

JUNPEI: damn its like that huh

CLOVER: but you knew about the first NONARY GAME

SANTA: sorry what i dont have ears

[SANTA fires a bullet into the ground]

JUNPEI: okay ACE, LOTUS just go

we got this

right SEVEN

SEVEN: probably not

JUNPEI: cool thanks for backing me up

what about you CLOVER

CLOVER: eh sure

AKANE: what the heck you guys! aw jeez

SANTA: thanks i guess

[THEY leave CLOVER JUNPEI and SEVEN in the ALTAR]

CLOVER: hey it that COFFIN making noise

you boys open that for me

JUNPEI: yes queen!

SEVEN: ah but it has a code

JUNPEI: hmmmmmmm but how to open it

if only there was a hint for the code...

ZERO: need some help JUNPEI

JUNPEI: yeah can i get a uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh ending

ZERO: ending machine broke

[COFFIN END]

[I MEAN TO BE CONTINUED]

[LIKE RIGHT NOW]

JUNPEI: good thing i played the SAFE END

i mean CLOVER still has the SINISTER HAND note with her but

i would have NO WAY to figure out the SAFE CLUE

[JUNPEI opens the COFFIN]

SNAKE: o snap

CLOVER: FINALLY

SNAKE: oh hey CLOVER whats up

CLOVER: we thought you were dead there for a bit

SEVEN: and heres what you missed

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: im not actually going to write that all here

the game doesnt bother so why should i

SNAKE: ah

LIQUID SNAKE was killed before he could start and INSURRECTION

JUNPEI: ZERO is at the center of all this

SNAKE: MAJOR ZERO?

JUNPEI: no no

this isnt the VIRTUOUS MISSION

but we can call the dead captain MAJOR ZERO

SNAKE: anyhow lets go through the other 9 DOOR

JUNPEI: okay but lets try it with the ZERO BRACELET

give it here CLOVER

CLOVER: uh oh busted

JUNPEI: if MAJOR ZERO is ZERO then the ZERO BRACELET should open this 9 DOOR

[THEY do the DIGITAL ROOT test again]

JUNPEI: its the number 6

or the letter O

SNAKE: so JUNEs number is 9

CLOVER: then someone else's number isnt right either

SEVEN: SANTA and JUNE always go through the same DOOR

JUNPEI: weird that that happens with SANTA and AKANE huh

SNAKE: none of us know thats AKANE yet shut up JUNPEI

JUNPEI: oh ok

SNAKE: SANTAs real number was ZERO

JUNPEI: what about the 9TH MAN

SNAKE CLOVER AND SEVEN: fuck the 9TH MAN

JUNPEI: okay well lets go in the LIBRARY

[THEY do]

SNAKE: i can hear the voice hidden in the darkness

JUNPEI: okay KINGDOM HEARTS

SEVEN: there are way too many book in here

what the fuck does teletemporation mean

SNAKE: Time Travel

JUNPEI: how do you fucking know that

SANKE: and heres a book that is sourced in the NECRONOMICON

JUNPEI: How Do You Fucking Know That

SEVEN: oh cool a pop up book

JUNPEI: now were talking

hey by the way SNAKE arent you worried walking on this catwalk

SNAKE: im not a coward like you

JUNPEI: oh okay cool man really glad i saved your fucking live

SNAKE: i bet you are

JUNPEI: anyways look at this book series called DADKIND

SNAKE: i think thats a german mathmatician

JUNEPI: How Did You Know That

Also thought it would be cooler than that with a name like DADKIND

SANKE: math is cool

JUNPEI:

anyways SHELDRAKE

ive heard of that

CLOVER: i dont care

JUNPEI: oh

but SHELDRAKE-5

its the answer to this puzzle

SNAKE: you know about him?

JUNPEI: tell me about the first NONARY GAME

SNAKE: you knew?

JUNPEI: yeah

why didnt you tell us sooner

SNAKE: ZERO said not to

JUNPEI: oh okay

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: yeah i skipped over the note from the beginning of the game so what

it was just exposition at the time

back to this

SNAKE: anyways i trust you

also SANTA is ZERO

but he would never kill us

JUNPEI: why

SNAKE: he was in my group for the experiment 9 YEARS AGO

JUNPEI: wow

SNAKE: it was run by CRADLE PHARMACEUTICALS

the 4 horsemen were GENTAROU HONGOU and THE OTHER DUDES NO ONE CARES ABOUT

they planned the whole thing

JUNPEI: wowza i think i know those dudes

SNAKE: moving on

they wanted to control the human mind via MORPHOGENETIC FIELDS

JUNPEi: oh my

SNAKE: also RESONANT EVENTS

the more people who do something the more likely you are to do it

they tested for TRANSMITTERS and RECIEVERS

JUNPEI: wow its getting really hard to make jokes about this

SNAKE: trust me i know ive been through this shit

anyways GENTAROU used the GANZFELD experiment to kidnap 9 pairs of twins

me and CLOVER were one of them

JUNPEI: i need a line here so its not just 7 straight SNAKE lines

SNAKE: i agree

anyways one group of 9 was on the GIGANTIC

and the other was in BUILDING Q in NEVADA

SEVEN: you two shut the fuck up and finish this room

JUNPEI: wait i thought there were only 16 kids

SNAKE: no there were 18

the media wouldnt count the siblings AOI and AKANE

JUNPEI: hold the fucking phone

AKANE

SNAKE: yeah

the girl who died

JUNPEI: ooof ow that literally hurt me

what the hell

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: i dont like this one bit either

JUNPEI: okay well as long as it isnt AKANE KURASHIKI then thats ok

SNAKE: well actually

JUNPEI: la la la la not listening time to go into the STUDY

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: this room is literally just a PUZZLES: THE GREATEST HITS room

so im skipping pretty much everthing in here

JUNPEI: i just solved a puzzle

CLOVER: good boy!

JUNPEI: woof

SEVEN: im not here for this furry shit

SEVEN: look at this PIPE...

CLOVER: look at this PIPE...

SNAKE: i cant look at this PIPE...

JUNPEI:

SEVEN: GIMME A P

CLOVER: GIMME AN I

SNAKE: GIVE ME A P AND ALSO AN E

JUNPEI: WHATS THAT SPELL?

SNAKE: it spells PIPE, JUNPEI

JUNPEI: okay thank you

SEVEN: oh Fuck its another coffin

JUNPEI: its gotta be ALICE

SEVEN: but its empty

JUNPEI: close call

anyways ive been messing around with this thing for a while and i cant get it to work

SEVEN: what the fuck JUNPEI

you need to RESPECT WOMEN you cant just mess around

CLOVER: i thought you were better than that

JUNPEI: i have depression

[JUNPEI solves the COMPUTER PUZZLE]

JUNPEI: hey its a picture of MAJOR ZERO THE 9TH MAN and ACE

SNAKE: they ran the NONARY PROJECT

JUNPEI: i feel like i knew that

SNAKE:and HONGOU is ACE

JUNPEI: i feel like i also knew that

SEVEN: hey boys

just remembered everything

JUNPEI: really?

SEVEN: im a cop

i busted the NONARY CASE wide open

JUNPEI: damn is this going to be another section where you are pretty much the only one talking

SEVEN: yes

i heard about the kidnappings and went to save the kids

JUNPEI: and what happened

SEVEN: i got caught

they sent me to the jail cell on the GIGANTIC

anways i found the kids

JUNPEI: no way

SEVEN: yeah way

anyways some of them went through the 9 DOOR and the others went up a rope into the VENT with me

HONGOU was pissed

he made so fuckin weird noises

i got a BRAVE WHITE HAIRED BOY out then noticed they were in an INCINERATOR

as we ran up some stairs he said AKANE, his SISTER, got left behind

JUNPEI: oh gang i dont like this

SEVEN: so me the WHITE HAIRED BOY and A BLIND KID went to look for her

HONGOU brought her into the INCINERATOR

JUNPEI: Hey What Happened

SEVEN: she died

JUNPEI: Uh Hey Boss

What Was Her Last Name

SEVEN: her name was AKANE KURASHIKI

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: uh oh

JUNPEI:

SNAKE: i was the BLIND BOY just to let you know

sorry for not telling you

CLOVER: neither of us are working for ZERO btw

i didnt know that was you

SEVEN: and SANTA is AKANE's brother-AOI KURASHIKI

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: phew okay were back in business

JUNPEI: well hold up

LIQIUID SNAKE is the ONE DUDE from the PICTURE we didnt know

CLOVER: so is AOI getting revenge for the death of his sister?

JUNPEI: no AOI didnt kill anyone

SNAKE: but HONGOU will be the next target

JUNPEI: okay time to leave the STUDY

the ship is exploding

[THEY LEAVE and go to the INCINERATOR]

SANTA: ow off

AKANE: JUMPY you came

JUNPEI: of course i did i cant leave you

AKANE: im okay i just did some no clipping earlier is all

SANTA: hey ACE has a gun now

HONGOU: ah just like in the SAFE END boys

SEVEN: i fuckin remember asshole

im gonna kick the shit out of you

HONGOU: man this is a pain

JUNPEI: you mean the pain of PROSOPAGNOSIA

HONGOU: no but fuck you man thats not nice

anyways im out

[HONGOU uses the RED with LOTUS and the 9TH MANs bracelet, but the LARGE 9 DOOR doesnt open]

HONGOU: this is fucked

[HONGOU puts down the REVOLVER. SEVEN knocks HONGOU down]

LOTUS: nice

SEVEN: unlike SONIC i dont chuckle

JUNPEI: hey HONGOU you killed the other CRADLE dudes

HONGOU: wait LIQUID SNAKE was NIJISAKI this whole time

JUNPEI: yeah

SNAKE: i dont love that you tried to kill me

HONGOU: i dont blame you i suck

JUNPEI: anyways you killed MAJOR ZERO when you took the POCKET WATCH from me, entered the CAPTAINS QUARTERS and killed him real quick

why did you do it

HONGOU: i got a note that told me to either confess to the sins of the FIRST NONARY GAME or WIN this NONARY GAME

so i had to do it

but ZERO manipulated me

i LOST

SEVEN: and this was all part of your plan right SANTA

or should i say AOI

AOI: i am AOI but im not ZERO

im just an assistant

and this wasnt just for revenge

JUNPEI: then what?

AOI: it was to save someone

JUNPEI: who?

AOI: THE GAYS

i mean

AKANE

save my sister

[SEVEN notices JUNE has dissapeared. JUNPEI becomes worried that AKANE is gone]

SEVEN: Where In The World Is AKANE KURASHIKI

AOI: there was a mistake in the NONARY PROJECT

AKANE was a TRANSMITTER and was suppose to be in BUILDING Q

instead she was with the RECIEVERS on THE GIGANTIC with me

JUNPEI: oh fuck

AOI: do you realize it yet JUNPEI

how do you think you knew HONGOU had PROSOPAGNOSIA

or the stuff with those CRADLE BOYS

and how did you get SNAKE out of the COFFIN

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: oh JUMPY let me answer this one

he knew because i knew

i set it to him through the MORPHIC FIELDSET

also just gonna be my dialogue for a while so sorry about that

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: if TIME was a RIVER that split into two

then i am someone who can transfer info of what happens down one split path-PATH A

to someone who lives on the other split path-PATH B

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: i bet youre wondering who i am

i am ZERO

ZERO: well actually i am I, THE 9TH LETTER OF THE ALPHABET

I, THE 9TH LETTER OF THE ALPHABET: but also i am LESS THAN ZERO

LESS THAN ZERO: i WILL BE ZERO

in 9 YEARS

JUNPEI: AKANE where did you go

CLOVER: oh fuck

[AOI holds the GOLDEN REVOLVER up to HONGOU]

JUNPEI: what the hell are you doing

AOI: i already told you

im SANTA

its time to make a wish come true

[SANTA takes ACE and exits the INCINERATOR]

CLOVER: we can only get out if we leave LOTUS behind

LOTUS: go on without me

SEVEN: ew thats ugly

you no with us not good

LOTUS: what

SEVEN: you not getting left behind is the thing

SNAKE: besides ACE already tried to leave through the LARGE 9 DOOR

and it didnt work

JUNPEI: oh yeah

THE NOVEL NARRATOR: i saw this whole thing

boy was it wild

me and JUNPEI were like one

it happened when 9 HOURS AGO there was an explosion on the ship

i ended up in JUNPEIs mind

9 YEARS in the future

KANNY: i was living in two times at once

like watching two movies at once

not really but hey roll with it

[9 YEARS AGO]

KANNY: we ended up in the LARGE HOSPITAL ROOM

two dudes fought and some girl cried

then LIGHT aka SNAKE called us over

LIGHT: hey guys LIGHT FIELD here with my NONARY GAME lets play

okay right now im gonna cast UPLIFTING SPEECH

because i have a SISTER in BUILDING Q

her name is CLOVER and its her 9TH BIRTHDAY today

i was gonna get here the 9 FOUR LEAF CLOVERS

but you guys need them more

HOPE FAITH LOVE and LUCK and all that

KANNY: we did pretty good after that

we made it past the 9 DOORS

and ended up in the INCINERATOR

which is no good

5 kids went through the LARGE 9 DOOR and us other 4 got saved by SEVEN

i was with LOTUS'S DAUGHTER NONA AOI LIGHT and SEVEN

but i noticed i dropped JUMPY'S PRESENT so i went back

thats when HONGOU grabbed me and forced me into the INCINERATOR

HONGOU: hey kid i need this expirment to work so in ya go

[HONGOU closes the INCINERATOR and runs off]

SEVEN: where is HONGOU

what the hell is going on

INCINERATOR: INCINERATION WILL BEGIN IN

[PRESENT DAY]

INCINERATOR: 18 MINUTES

JUNPEI: ah beans this is no good

LIGHT: looks like AOI started the INCINERATOR

LOTUS: hey gang?

what

the

fuck

is

going

on

JUNPEI: ill let you know later

LOTUS: Fuck

CLOVER: hey we are about to burn to death

INCINERATOR: what CLOVER said

you have 17 MINUTES

LOTUS: fine i dont care anymore just figure this shit out SEVEN

SEVEN: why me

im not the protag

LOTUS: im just gonna shut up

[A BIG FUCKIN MACHINE pops up from the floor of the INCINERATOR]

[9 YEARS AGO]

KANNY: aaaah i am crying

im.,.,mjsory i just wan,tred to.,gf., go. home im sosr omory

okay enough cry typing

all i could see was a reflection of myself

[PRESENT DAY]

JUNPEi: all i could see was my damn sexy self reflected on the screen

INCINERATOR: you got 15 minutes

JUNPEI: thats great but what the hell do i do with this thing

LOTUS: allow me dweeb

[LOTUS turns on the HELL SUDOKU] [THIS IS CHANGED TO SOMETHING NOT AS COOL IN THE "NONARY GAMES" REMAKE BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT]

SEVEN: its a fuckin puzzle

CLOVER: just solve it idiot

JUNPEI: im not good at sudoku

LOTUS: are you fucking with us

LIGHT: do your best JUNPEI

INCINERATOR: you got 13 MINUTES

KANNY: i dont know what to do

and i cant get in connection with JUMPY

HONGOU: just solve the puzzle

cmon its so easy

what are you a child

haha

KANNY: actually i am

HONGOU: okay have a safe puzzle

KANNY: i have no say in the matter

HONGOU, WALKING AWAY: die then

INCINERATOR: okay you got 10 minutes

KANNY: this stinks

[KANNY hold on to her JUMPY DOLL]

KANNY: help me JUMPY-WAN KENOBI, youre my only hope

[PRESENT DAY]

JUNPEI: KANNY

SEVEN: AKANE?

LOTUS: who the fuck is

JUNPEI: shut the hell up!

KANNY!

KANNY: JUMPY?

JUNPEI: KANNY

where are you

KANNY: INCINERATOR

JUNPEI: damn me too

INCINERATOR: hurry the heck up you have 7 MINUTES

KANNY: JUMPY we gotta solve this puzzle

are you good at sudoku

JUNPEI: no but i can try

JUNPEI: OH I GET IT NOW

this is why we have the NONARY GAME

AKANE-ZERO-JUNE-KANNY is trying to save her past self in this moment through me

man this is some heavy shit

this is fucked

KANNY: hey so uh

INCINERATOR: 6 MINUTES

KANNY: JUMPY you solving this puzzle or not

JUNPEI: nah i dont think i will

KANNY: wh

JUNPEI: nah im just kidding i got this

[JUNPEI TRANSMITS the answers to KANNY, RECEIVING THEM through the MORPHOGENETIC FIELD]

JUNPEI: there you go

now get the hell outta DODGE

KANNY: okay

[KANNY shuts down the INCINERATOR of her time]

JUNPEI: KANNY

KANNY: it worked

JUNPEI: fuckin nice...

but im gonna hang up now

i also have to not die

KANNY: yeah thats cool

JUNPEI: okay lemme just uhhhhhhhhhhhh reuse this joke real quick

HELL SUDOKU: joke machine broke

INCINERATOR: im about to roast your ass in 60 seconds

JUNPEI: oh fuck

OH

the puzzle means we all gotta use our BRACELETS on the LARGE 9 DOOR

i mean its not a 9 but we all need to verify

[LIGHT CLOVER JUNPEI SEVEN and LOTUS escape the INCINERATOR]

[9 YEARS AGO]

[KANNY exits the INCINERATOR]

KANNY: honey im home

AOI: hey AKANE

SEVEN AND LIGHT: oh fuck what

KANNY: hey gang lets skedaddle before mean old HONGOU comes back and tells us to go to bed

[PRESENT DAY]

JUNPEI: man there sure are a lot of STAIRS

SEVEN: i dont care

why did the LARGE 9 DOOR open

LOTUS: our DIGITAL ROOT was 8

JUNPEI: its because it was BASE-27

SEVEN: what the fuck is will all the numeral base shit im so tired of it it makes no sense what the fuck

JUNPEI: okay anyways

it wasnt a 9 DOOR

it was a LOWERCASE Q DOOR

SEVEN: I FUCKING HATE THIS

JUNPEI: anyways we are at the top of the stairs

im gonna open the door to freedom

EVERYONE: just shut up and do it already

JUNPEI: you know what if you insist on being ruin i will turn this car right around

[JUNPEI opens the FINAL DOOR]

[9 YEARS AGO]

KANNY: well we escaped from the sinking GIGANTIC

AOI: its finally over

KANNY: nah i gotta go become ZERO

and kill some fools

[PRESENT DAY]

JUNPEI: aaah the sun it hurt

SEVEN: oh shit!

the ocean melted

CLOVER: no idiot were in BUILDING Q

[THE NUMBERED BRACELETS fall off]

JUNPEI: hey cool

looks like there were no detonators after all

LIGHT: well except for those dudes who did have bombs like the 9TH MAN and LIQUID SNAKE

JUNPEI: shut up im thinking about AKANE

[SUMMER-END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL]

JUMPY: no KANNY i am not a weaboo

KANNY: stop lying

how else did you end up getting beat up by like 6 people

JUMPY: because those MIDDLE SCHOOLERS were being mean to a CAT

KANNY: i went and got the police but all we found was you

beat up and ugly

JUMPY: yeah kick a guy while hes down why dont you

besides they killed those RABBITS

KANNY: thats mean

JUMPY: yeah

[PRESENT DAY]

[THE GANG are doing like 100 MPH down the DESERT]

JUNPEI: im still wondering about HONGOU'S MOTIVES

LIGHT: ask him yourself

HONGOU: whats up

JUNPEI: why did you do it all

HONGOU: i just wanted to see human faces

JUNPEI: that literally makes no fucking sense whatsoever

did you even play ZERO ESCAPE: 999

HONGOU: no not really

also ALICE doesnt exist

but i found MANDRAKE ROOT and used it to make SOPORIL

JUNPEI: cool dont care

[SUMMER-END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL]

JUMPY: well anyways i got you a FOR-YOU DOLL

his name is JUNPEI

KANNY: its a VOODOO DOLL silly

anyways why are you giving it to me

JUMPY: you are leaving in JUNE

and maybe a me voodoo doll is be a bad thing so name it JUNE instead

KANNY: wanna try that sentence again

JUMPY: as long as you have it well always be together

KANNY: thanks JUMPY

ill always remember you

JUMPY: yeah i mean ill try to do that

but no promises

[DRIVING DOWN THE DESERT ROAD]

JUNPEI: hey so if AKANE died 9 YEARS AGO

but she survived because of my MORPHOGENETIC FIELD POWERS

how does SEVEN remember her dying

was it the TRUTH?

or is he really-

CLOVER: hey look theres a hot babe out on the road

wonder who i could be

she dressed in EGYPTIAN STYLE CLOTHING

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

it must be ALICE from VIRTUE'S LAST REWARD

[fin]


End file.
